Badge or Boobs

  I will start off with this old regular guest who has a Thai wife, he lives in New York and comes here to Dublin from time to time as he has a business that he is looking after in here. Every time he sees me he stops in the middle of the lobby, I greet him and hope in the back of my head that the phone rings so I can pretend to be busy and not have polite conversation with him, but for some reason I am always unlucky, so Mr. Sleazeballs will come up slowly to me with cane on hand and ask me how I am and if the hotel is busy while constantly looking at my badge or boob (i really don't know, cause his eyes will constantly dart on the left hand side of my jacket where my badge is) and normally I will just blow this off and not even think of it as we are having the small talk, but it happened two days on a row and its just became a bit creepy. I am very tempted to say:

 "Sorry sir, I'm here (pointing at my face) not there(pointing at my left boob)."

 Not that my boobs are "Hooters like" to receive any of that attention, they are just the normal kind and are happy to receive just a passing nod. Anyway, I usually manage to shorten the conversation so I can shoo him away and carry on.

 Moving on... The Xmas period seems to be bringing in the "crazies" as we keep on getting one after the other. If its not the alcoholic couple we have year after year who orders their G&Ts and bottle of chardonnay together with their breki after having to order rounds of these the whole night, every night. It would be the young man who comes down to the desk in the morning a bit panicked as he was pretty sure that he was drugged the night before as he cannot remember anything and his room is a complete sick mess. Or the guy who you blocked a room for and instructed to pack bags so we can move him during the day and comes back to you at midnight telling you that his bags are unpacked and he wants to move rooms NOW!, when the room you were holding for him has been sold already, of course he gets upset with you. You try to turn it around and offer some reasonable options which he will then refuse and threat to speak with the GM.

  It kind of reminds me of the Robot Santa Claus in futurama, he spreads out this antagonism that most of the time is really easy to fall into as the energy just draws you and the people around you into it like a big snowball falling on a hill.

 "Bananas" I tell you! If you don't have any sense of humour to make some situations lighter, you'll probably end up in a banana institution! But sure,"What the hell! bring 'em on and we'll sort them out!"

Where's my Armani Jacket?!?

So, I was about to finish my shift and Mr. Dim came to the front desk telling me that I have his jacket. For a little while I thought... and try to re-call if I might have spoken to someone regarding a jacket, but as much as I racked my tiny little brain, I could not remember anything. Mr. Dim seems to be sure that someone has found his jacket, so I went through all the standard operating procedures to see if I can find it but there was no luck. So I said to myself, ill ask for more details. So...

Mr. Dim: Where is my jacket?

He does not look this good but I was definitely in the company of a wolf!!!

Owl: Sir, may I just ask for a few more details, what colour is your jacket? Where did you leave it and when?

Mr. Dim: (in a condescending tone) Its a black ARMANI jacket, I left it in the bar, YOU called me last night in my room to tell me that you found it. Its very important , my passport is there!

Owl: Sorry sir, I called you?

Mr. Dim: I don't know someone called me.

Owl: So, bear with me, cause I have to investigate further (said on a calm manner, but really fuming inside). Why don't you have breakfast while I try to find out where your jacket is (and save us both the embarrassment of whose the more stupider person here).

  We eventually found his jacket, and checked that his passport was there. I was thinking of drawing a dry wipe on his passport saying "Stop loosing your shit! you forgetful Git!" but I refrained from doing so. I really hate it when people gets this way and I want to tell them straight in their face "YOU were the one who lost your things! YOU were the one telling me that it was important, so WHY THE HELL did you not collect it when someone rang you! Now YOU have the gall to actually make me feel that this is my fault! Rot in hell bastard! Although, I'm sure he will enjoy that too!